aloha to dilemma mood

..well, i know, i did swallowed back what i've promised in last update, I'm-just-kinda-kinda-lazayy..lolls~


 ..Well!! apparently, I'm working as a full time house guard, for my own house, don't ask how, don't ask why..but since i'm too overloaded with free time, so imma tell u. this girl do crap alot.

How? cuz i hired myself!! *gahahaha~*
Why? cuz i'm still in dilemma whether to continue my studies OR go to work, and in this mean while, imma rest at home and be the JOTM-junk of the moment.




But back then, i faced the most problematic problem of all time -- i stayed at home for tooooo effing longgg!! and my parents dosen't like it!!
then i think back :' eh ya o..i've stayed at home for two-going-to-be-three-month (or it's been 3months ald??) ', and i should really reallyyyy get a job, get hired, or get married *aikss touch-wood*


I noticed i've been spending too much of time, doing....... 
n-o-t-h-i-n-g..nothing at all!!



You might be, definitely be thinking :' whut-tha-hyll is happening with this girl?! why is she doing nothing and staying at home?!'

Come, lemme tell'ya whats in my head,
1stly, I don't really sure that taking up courses or expose myself to working environment first is the better choice, i wanted to work is bcz i don't wanna spent another penny of my parents already, i meant like, after i worked, saved money, i can still go study, parents spent too much of blood-money on education fees on myself, brother and sis. I know they're more then willing to spent on these things, but i understands it's still considered a burden for them, i'm not born in a super wealth family but i still want my family to have a better better life ♥, that's why i keep refused to pay visit for any education fairs and campus open days after my SPM. But, de javu, i faced the exact same problem after my STPM, now i know, it's not the matter of expensive fees, nor years will be spent in colleges that matters, the only problem is MYSELF, i kept think too much too much and eventually blocked myself, i wanted to save time, end up wasting more time. FML.


2ndly, I'm not sure that university wanted me or not, cuz if i'm qualified enough for universities, i'll just go for it, for the sake of my parents purse, for real. If i'm not qualified enough for university, i hadda go for college, then that's another issue. So the problem now is i'm stucking in between of college or university, university or college, college or university, university or college...arghh!!


3rdly, I don't wanna go for colleges so fast is because I'm still in dilemma about the subject i wanna take, is either related to art but not fully related to art, like art management, cinematography or stuffs like that ; or, mass comm, major film and tv. I know i might regretted if i picked up a subject that i don't realllyyy loved, but after talking to some of my friends, found out that everyone experienced this before, even thou u've picked up a subject that u don't fully like, lets say like 5O/5O, but after trying to understand it, in the end u might just love it. So i hope it goes the same to the potential choice of mine.


4thly, if it's really so unlucky that i phailed to enter university, i hadda go for colleges and then dillema again in between diploma or degree, degree or diploma. Diploma, i shouldn't had choosing this if i'd never go for STPM, cuz STPM is almost equivalent to diploma, i can get a degree course with STPM cert, but a lot of others said that :' degree is for those who wanted to know more about that particular subject, cuz degree is mainly focused to what they've learned in diplomas deeper, and more specific.' .Dilemma, again..
But back then, diploma is seriously 'tak cukup makan', u get what i meant?? aiisk..



5thly, 6thly....i think i'm sorta like finding excuses for myself, goshh..pray for me!!

ciao for awhile.

LOVE&PEACE

x o x o ♥